Baron Blood DVD Review

1970s horror films can strike fear into even the toughest horror film fan's hearts. This was of course the era of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Dawn of the Dead. If you are a not a seasoned horrorphile fear not. Blood Baron is a little more kitch, a little more surreal and a whole lot more hilarious.

It is probably safe to say that if you were a horror film maker in the 1970s and even Vincent Price turned down your script, you probably had a big turkey on your hands. However even though this is what happened to Baron Blood or (as it should have been called) Someone’s Left The Fog Machine On, things just click together in a weird and wacky way. Even with a script that is as mad as a box of frogs, Citizen Kane actor Joseph Cotton decided to step in after Price has so politely refused. Brave move, my friend. Brave move…

Made in 1972, Baron Blood tells the story of Peter Kleist (Antonio Cantafora) who has decided to take a break from his studies (presumably in how to get the perfect 1970s mane), and flies to Austria to stay with his uncle Dr. Karl Hummel (Massimo Girotti). Peter is related to the infamous, Otto von Kleist, a local 16th century baron with a penchant for sticking pokers up peoples’ bottoms. Karl takes Peter to visit the dead Baron’s castle which is going to be turned into a hotel, aptly called The Hotel of the Devil.

Whilst there, Peter meets Eva (Elke Sommer) and a team of historians working on the castle. One night, inspired by spooky stories surrounding his ancestor, Peter and Eva summon the Baron back from the dead. Soon the Otto van Kleist is on a murderous rampage to help restore his castle back to how it used to be in the good old days when dead bodies hanged from the tower. Changing Rooms this most certainly ain’t!

It is a real shame that films made in the 1970s just didn’t get how to make a good soundtrack. Instead of spooky violins and tinkling keys, Baron Blood is underpinned with what sounds like Burt Bacharach’s Do You Know The Way To San Jose? The opening is just full of it as Peter travels (on Pan Am no less) over to Austria and then on his journey to the castle. It is just very hard to believe that some serious horror will begin to happen when it sounds like the cast’s radio is stuck on Magic FM.

But the horror does arrive – and my gosh, it brings a lot of red paint with it. The film essentially only has three main characters so naturally a lot of expendable extras are briefly introduced and dispatched as soon as the baron crawls out of his muddy grave. Really though it is Eva who is the star of the show. There is one very lovely set piece where she is being pursued by the baron through the streets, where the fog machine has been turned up to eleven. It is all gloriously backlit and as she runs for her life (“I’ve got lots of friends in San Jose. La la la la la…”) you can see why Mario Bava became the horror legend he is.

The plot is a strange mix of well known clichés and idiotic decisions (don’t ignore the creepy child who saw the baron, it’s also probably best NOT to read the Latin incantation) but it is also wildly unpredictable in the way only 70s films can be. “As you know, my work here at the school involves research into extrasensory perception” says Dr Hummel at one point very much out of the blue, before introducing us to Clarissa, the ESP clairvoyant and medium.

Baron Blood is also full of hilarious coincidences. Everyone they stumble across just so happens to have the charm/spell/locket needed to send the baron back to Hell. Yes, this might seem outdated to modern audiences who used to being left in the dark, but it is plot points like this that make these films so much fun. They are kitsch, brightly coloured, completely bonkers and smothered in 

Kensington Gore.

There is one thing though that can really be taken away from Baron Blood: if someone asks you “do you know the way to Hotel Devil?” it’s probably best to turn up the radio and just keep driving…

Star Trek Into Darkness Review

In a market saturated with bad remakes and shoddy sequels, J.J Abrams’s Star Trek Into Darkness is a welcome distraction that not only lives up to the franchise’s first outing but actually does one better.

Abrams has confessed that he was a bit nervous about becoming the director on this reboot of the classic TV series, admitting that he was never a big Star Trek fan when he was a kid. Perhaps that distance from the legacy is what makes the films so good, with Abrams creating brand new versions of the legendary cast that are accessible to everyone. For those who are nervous of Star Trek, this is not a sci-fi film. This is a good, old-fashioned action adventure that just happens to be set in deep space.

Star Trek Into Darkness picks up from where the first film left off and continues to focus on the growing bromance between Kirk (Chris Pine) and half-Vulcan pal Spock (Zachary Quinto). Kirk is the commanding officer of the Enterprise and with Spock, Bones (Karl Urban) and the rest gang alongside of him, they are doing what they do best, exploring alien planets.

However the Star Fleet soon comes under heavy fire from new villain John Harrison (Benedict Cumberbatch) who draws the USS Enterprise out to the limits of its safety in order to bring this savage terrorist to justice.

And that’s all that can really be said without giving too much away! Spoilers are everywhere in this film and the action is palm-sweatingly good. Like the first film, the script has the perfect balance of brilliant high-octane action, comedy and mystery. It is in fact more like a thriller, with a plot that constantly delights by twisting and turning. At every moment there is a challenge to be met and a problem to overcome, providing you with some great edge-of-your-seat viewing.

There has been a lot of hype about Sherlock icon Benedict Cumberbatch joining the cast for this film and naturally he does not disappoint. In fact, Cumberbatch is a joy to watch, prowling about like some kind of intergalactic Hannibal Lecter. He has all of the menace and intensity that is required to make a truly great villain but also the more sympathetic side that makes a legend of the screen. It is the power plays that add all of the spice to Star Trek Into Darkness, with Harrison and Kirk both struggling to come out on top.

However despite a marvellous turn as Harrison, the film belongs in its entirety to Chris Pine who steals the show out from under everyone else’s feet. It is almost like Pine knew Cumberbatch was going to be great so dialled up his performance to the max delivering a real tour de force performance. Playing off of Quinto’s wide eyed Vulcan confusion, Pine transforms Kirk into a heroic underdog creating an intensity that (dare it be said) William Shatner just could never achieve.

Star Trek Into Darkness has its problems though. Alice Eve delivers a lacklustre performance as Dr Carol Marcus, who provides the sex factor in the film by randomly stripping off at one point, and despite her acting prowess Zoe Saldana as Uhura feels somewhat bland. This is however not the fault of the actresses it seems but a problem with the script. It is a real shame the writers did not give the girls more of a chance to stand up and show us what they’ve got. Also the emotional heart of the film is not as strong as it could be. With all of the fast pace action, the character’s stories get a bit lost and certain dramatic moments just fall a bit flat.

But does this matter? No! Star Trek Into Darkness is a brilliant blast of a film with some dazzling performances and a new iconic baddie. Here’s hoping Abrams is here to stay on the franchise as with him at the helm, Star Trek is set to stay on warp speed.